McGwire Stresses Steroids To Cardinals Hitters (Satire)

"I can't push this enough," Mark McGwire said addressing his Cardinals' players.  "Steroids help you hit." McGwire, former Home Run King, will return to the St. Louis Cardinals as their new hitting coach, and he has a simple slogan: "Get Big...Illegally" McGwire proceeded to pull a Mike Singletary during his meeting and pull down his pants revealing his testicles had disappeared.  "Would you rather have big balls or hit the balls big?" McGwire asked. The Cardinals players seemed to take to the slogan and clearly so did management.  "I'm on board," Cardinals manager Tony La Russa said.  "Cheating is the new fair." A couple players were a bit put off by the whole thing, but came around in the end.  "Cheating may be the way to go," center fielder Rick Ankiel said.  "I'm willing to try something old...I mean new." "As long as it doesn't injure my mustache, I could care less about what it does to my body, my speed, my defense, my pride, and my seed compartments (testicles)," shortstop ... (link)