Oakland Raiders Name Darth Vader New Head Coach (Humor)

In an act of total desperation, Al Davis has fired short-lived interim head coach Tom Cable and replaced him with legendary motivational speaker Darth Vader. In today’s press conference, Vader briefly outlined his prospective plan to get the disenfranchised Raider organization back on track. Below is a brief list of notable Vader quotes covering the major points he stressed during the eight-hour address: 1) “Any player who does not display a commitment to excellence will be given away to the San Diego Chargers (a la Norv Turner).” 2) “I know JaMarcus Russell gorges himself on boxes of Crispy Cream donuts with the O-Line after every loss, and that shit stops right now. If those porkers don’t get with the program, I’ll have them castrated and thrown into the abyss that is Lake Merritt.” 3) “Despite what you may have heard, DeAngelo Hall didn’t get traded. Nnamdi Asomugha got so tired of Hall’s candy ass getting lit up by ... (link)