Soto's Obescity Linked To Marijuana (Satire)

Investigation into the rising waistband of Chicago Cubs catcher Geovany Soto has been brought to a halt after nearly four months of work.  The culprit was found to be marijuana. Soto tested positive for marijuana at this year's World Baseball Classic where he represented Puerto Rico.    Marijuana, or the jolly green giant as some call it, has been known to cause users to delve into a sea of greasy foods to solve their immense hunger brought on by the drug. Along with his incredible amount of girth expansion, Soto has found a sudden drop in his numbers.  Soto hit .285 with 23 home runs and 86 RBIs last year and started the All-Star game.  Currently Soto is hitting .227 with six homers and 21 RBIs. Fans and writers felt it was a sophomore slump until they saw his lovely lady lumps and his budonkadonk behind.  This led to a full investigation as to who was reverse pick-pocketing Soto's mouth.  The Burger King was the first to be brought in and, although ... (link)