Stallworth Gets a Year in Prison, $300 Fine For Serial Killings

This article is not serious and meant only for laughs. Cleveland Browns' wide receiver Donte Stallworth was arrested early this morning for the serial murders of 13 people in and around the Miami Beach, Florida area. Stallworth has declined to comment. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell released the following statement, "I have sent Mr. Stallworth a strongly worded letter, threatening, but not limited to, another strongly worded letter." When Commissioner Goodell was asked about suspending Stallworth, Goodell replied "Whoa, whoa. Let's not get hasty, here. Just because we say we don't condone criminal behavior, doesn't me we actually do. How do you explain the Bengals?" The Miami/Dade County Police crime lab has released a statement saying that Mr. Stallworth was under the influence of heroin, crack cocaine, and crystal meth. Judge Fred J. Hoffman of Dade County, Florida has released a statement reading, "Because Mr. Stallworth is a celebrity, we must go lenient on him. We down ... (link)