The Doc’s Diagnosis: What's Wrong With Auburn's "Spread Eagle" Offense?

The Doc doesn’t claim to be a veterinarian. Mind you, the Doc doesn’t claim to be a doctor either, but one doesn’t need to be either to see that Auburn’s Spread Eagle is sickly. After this week’s loss to the scholar-athletes of Vandy in front of a national television audience, it should be clear to anyone that something is wrong with the Spread Eagle. Luckily, the Doc has the answer. The Spread Eagle seems to be suffering from Prematurus Nudilarus Expulsitium , a relatively rare injury that is sustained by birds who are pushed out of their nest before they are ready to fly. Physical Indications The most obvious evidence of a case of Prematurus Nudilarus Expulsitium is paralysis and confusion in a once-healthy bird. Auburn’s offense certainly qualifies: Hardly flying, Auburn’s War Eagle has generally limped down the field, and at times it has been completely unable to move at all. The passing game is barely averaging 160 yards a game, with five ... (link)