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Friday Night Fukudome: Grabow vs. Remlinger
Friday Night Fukudome: Grabow vs. Remlinger
hirejimessian.com — If there’s one thing Jim Hendry is terrific at doing is bidding against himself for the services of his target free agents and then grossly overpaying for them. As Dolan already pointed out , Hendry did it again with this week’s signing of John Grabow. I have nothing against Grabow. ... (more) Friday Night Fukudome: Grabow vs. Remlinger
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Aaron, Go, Brah” Edition
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Aaron, Go, Brah” Edition
hirejimessian.com — As our good friend Paul Sullivan pointed out in his Twitter feed , we’re finally down an Aaron (Heilman), and have only Miles left to purge. (HT: Luis) If I didn’t think Jim Hendry was going to trade Aramis, Marmol, Lee, Zambrano, and Lilly for Curtis Granderson, I might actually ... (more) Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Aaron, Go, Brah” ...
The Muskbox Has Delusions of Grandeur(son)
The Muskbox Has Delusions of Grandeur(son)
hirejimessian.com — You are in for quite a treat, loyal Muskboxers. I am pretty certain that this week’s Muskbox contains the most long-winded narrative answer to ever pour from the bun-based pencil of Carrie herself. I’ve been reading that the Tigers are putting Curtis Granderson on the trade ... (more) The Muskbox Has Delusions of Grandeur(son)
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “You’re Probably Not Reading, Because You’re Playing Modern Warfare 2″ Edition
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “You’re Probably Not Reading, Because You’re Playing ...
hirejimessian.com — Oh, good to see you nerds. I figured everyone on the planet, including Chad Ochocinco , is playing Modern Warfare 2. When he’s not Tweeting two hundred times a day. Thanks as always for the tips . How many times do you think Hef will get asked, “Do the Bunnies come with the ... (more) Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “You’re Probably ...
Sammy Sosa is in Your Nightmares, Craving Your Blood
Sammy Sosa is in Your Nightmares, Craving Your Blood
hirejimessian.com — There are mysteries which men can only guess at, which age by age they may solve only in part. -Bram Stoker, Dracula Readers, what I am about to reveal my alarm you and offend your sense. It may chill your heart and shock you to your very core. But it is a tale that must be told. A tale ... (more) Sammy Sosa is in Your Nightmares, Craving Your Blood
Happy Veterans Day
Happy Veterans Day
hirejimessian.com — On this Veterans Day, I’d like to take the opportunity to thank all of our brave men and women working so hard right now to defend this great country. I’m pretty sure I always screw this up by forgetting someone (if I do, tell me in the comments, and I’ll add you, I swear), ... (more) Happy Veterans Day
Samardzija Crushed During Donkey Show in Tijuana?  Only the Muskbox Knows for Sure
Samardzija Crushed During Donkey Show in Tijuana? Only the Muskbox Knows for Sure
hirejimessian.com — In this week’s Muskbox , we speculate on Jeff Samardzija’s sexual perversions, we give Reed Johnson the Mark DeRosa treatment, we torment Ed Hartig, and we RUIN WRIGLEY FIELD! What happened to Jeff Samardzija to allow Thomas Diamond to take his spot in Mexico? Is Samardzija ... (more) Samardzija Crushed During Donkey Show in Tijuana? Only ...
Friday Night Fukudome: Hendry vs. Williams
hirejimessian.com — The offseason has officially begun. As we wait in fear of how Jim Hendry can make the 2010 version of the Cubs worse than the 2009 version, White Sox fans are likely doing the same. Kenny Williams has taken an early lead on head-scratching moves, officially trading for Mark Teahen today. So, ... (more) Friday Night Fukudome: Hendry vs. Williams
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “I Thought Skeletor Was Evil” Edition
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “I Thought Skeletor Was Evil” Edition
hirejimessian.com — Joe Girardi has always been a weird-looking dude. But until the folks at Halos Heaven pointed it out, I didn’t realize how much he looks like Skeletor . Apparently, he used whatever the opposite of power of Greyskull is (the power of Snake Mountain?) on his way home from winning the ... (more) Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “I Thought ...
Lilly Gets His “Murderin’ Arm” Fixed
Lilly Gets His “Murderin’ Arm” Fixed
hirejimessian.com — Oh, Cubs. You’re so collectively dumb. The pervasive organizational stupidity of this franchise is more consistent than Mariano Rivera. As you’ve probably already heard, Ted Lilly had arthroscopic surgery on his shoulder, and will miss the beginning of the season . In Cubs speak, ... (more) Lilly Gets His “Murderin’ Arm” Fixed
The Muskbox Doesn’t Realize the Rickettses Want to Stack Cheddar
The Muskbox Doesn’t Realize the Rickettses Want to Stack Cheddar
hirejimessian.com — Did anyone catch the pregame show before World Series Game 5 last night? Jorge Posada was being interviewed, and he said, “It’s been since 2000 since we won the World Series, so I think the fans have waited long enough.” Fuck you. With that, here’s this week’s ... (more) The Muskbox Doesn’t Realize the Rickettses Want to Stack ...
Friday Night Fukudome: Ricketts vs. Ricketts
Friday Night Fukudome: Ricketts vs. Ricketts
hirejimessian.com — If you watched the press conference announcing the new Cub family ownership this afternoon, you might have noticed something a little strange about the Ricketts family. That something is that THEY ALL LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE. So, let’s put two of them into the Fukudome. VS.  ... (more) Friday Night Fukudome: Ricketts vs. Ricketts
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Scarier Than Quade Watching You Sleep” Edition
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Scarier Than Quade Watching You Sleep” Edition
hirejimessian.com — Happy Halloween, guys and ghouls. Ha ha ha! Seriously though, ghouls, do us all a favor and dress like sluts tomorrow. There’s nothing scarier than Mark McGwire’s pockmarks, so I assume you’ve had your fill of terror for this week. But I hope you all have a safe and happy ... (more) Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Scarier Than ...
The Man Who Screams at Goats
The Man Who Screams at Goats
hirejimessian.com — Congratulations to Tom Ricketts for finally getting control of the Cubs . In honor of his new Cub ownership, I have prepared a trailer for the program I expect him to institute prior to the 2010 season. So, without further ado… Coming soon to a theater near you… Lou Piniella ... (more) The Man Who Screams at Goats
Tonight Is Must-Watch Baseball
Tonight Is Must-Watch Baseball
hirejimessian.com — I don’t have too much interest in the World Series this year. The Phillies were just in it last year, and it feels like the Yankees are always in it, even when they aren’t. But I will be tuning in to Game Two of the World Series tonight. Long time Yankee nemesis Pedro Martinez is ... (more) Tonight Is Must-Watch Baseball
Somehow, The Muskbox Gets Worse
Somehow, The Muskbox Gets Worse
hirejimessian.com — We live in an unstable world. Each day, we walk out our front doors not knowing what the day has in store for us. Will our car die on the way to work? We will make it to work without avoiding an accident? If we make it to work safely, will our job still be there? But even in this time of ... (more) Somehow, The Muskbox Gets Worse
He’s Baaaaaaaacne!
He’s Baaaaaaaacne!
hirejimessian.com — Just when I thought the St. Louis Cardinals couldn’t stick anything else in their asses, they surprised me by bringing back amnesiac Mark McGwire as Albert Pujols’ “vitamins” supplier the Cardinals’ hitting coach. It would by hypocritical of me to say too much ... (more) He’s Baaaaaaaacne!
Friday Night Fukudome: Jaramillo vs. Pentland
Friday Night Fukudome: Jaramillo vs. Pentland
hirejimessian.com — Ooo! A late-night Friday Night Fukudome! Why? Because we’re discussing the issues of hitting coaches who just so happened to be around when their pupils turned into roided-up freaks. CONTROVERSIAL! Put the kids to bed, then come back and satisfy your bloodlust as our two competitors fight ... (more) Friday Night Fukudome: Jaramillo vs. Pentland
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “World Series That You Won’t Watch” Edition
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “World Series That You Won’t Watch” Edition
hirejimessian.com — It’s looking pretty inevitable that the Yankees are going to be the American League representative in this year’s World Series. That means it would be a Phillies-Yankees matchup. Could it be any more boring than that? We just saw Philly win the World Series, and I’m sick of ... (more) Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “World Series That ...
Former GM of Mets Could Be Former Employee of ESPN
Former GM of Mets Could Be Former Employee of ESPN
hirejimessian.com — Yesterday, FORMER GENERAL MANAGER OF THE NEW YORK METS Steve Phillips was suspended for a week (HT: Ethan) from the Brett Favre fellatatorium ESPN because he went hogging with a bat - shit - criminally - insane cave troll. In Steve’s defense, he’s always had a thing for people ... (more) Former GM of Mets Could Be Former Employee of ESPN