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hirejimessian.com - 46 hours ago
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hirejimessian.com —
The offseason has officially begun. As we wait
in fear of how Jim Hendry can make the
2010 version of the Cubs worse than the 2009 version, White Sox fans are likely doing the same. Kenny Williams has taken an early lead on head-scratching moves, officially trading for Mark Teahen today. So, ...
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Friday Night Fukudome: Hendry vs. Williams
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Bad Kermit
posted 46 hours agoposted this
Bad Kermit
posted 46 hours agoposted this
hirejimessian.com - 2 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
Joe Girardi has always been a weird-looking dude.
But until the folks at Halos Heaven pointed it
out, I didn’t realize how much he looks like Skeletor . Apparently, he used whatever the opposite of power of Greyskull is (the power of Snake Mountain?) on his way home from winning the ...
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Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “I Thought ...
hirejimessian.com - 3 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
Oh, Cubs. You’re so collectively dumb. The pervasive
organizational stupidity of this franchise is more consistent than
Mariano Rivera. As you’ve probably already heard, Ted Lilly had arthroscopic surgery on his shoulder, and will miss the beginning of the season . In Cubs speak, ...
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Lilly Gets His “Murderin’ Arm” Fixed
hirejimessian.com - 5 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
Did anyone catch the pregame show before World
Series Game 5 last night? Jorge Posada was being
interviewed, and he said, “It’s been since 2000 since we won the World Series, so I think the fans have waited long enough.” Fuck you. With that, here’s this week’s ...
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The Muskbox Doesn’t Realize the Rickettses Want to Stack ...
hirejimessian.com - 8 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
If you watched the press conference announcing the
new Cub family ownership this afternoon, you might have
noticed something a little strange about the Ricketts family. That something is that THEY ALL LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE. So, let’s put two of them into the Fukudome. VS. ...
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Friday Night Fukudome: Ricketts vs. Ricketts
hirejimessian.com - 9 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
Happy Halloween, guys and ghouls. Ha ha ha!
Seriously though, ghouls, do us all a favor and
dress like sluts tomorrow. There’s nothing scarier than Mark McGwire’s pockmarks, so I assume you’ve had your fill of terror for this week. But I hope you all have a safe and happy ...
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Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Scarier Than ...
hirejimessian.com - 10 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
Congratulations to Tom Ricketts for finally getting control
of the Cubs . In honor of his new
Cub ownership, I have prepared a trailer for the program I expect him to institute prior to the 2010 season. So, without further ado… Coming soon to a theater near you… Lou Piniella ...
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The Man Who Screams at Goats
hirejimessian.com - 10 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
I don’t have too much interest in the
World Series this year. The Phillies were just in
it last year, and it feels like the Yankees are always in it, even when they aren’t. But I will be tuning in to Game Two of the World Series tonight. Long time Yankee nemesis Pedro Martinez is ...
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Tonight Is Must-Watch Baseball
hirejimessian.com - 12 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
We live in an unstable world. Each day,
we walk out our front doors not knowing what
the day has in store for us. Will our car die on the way to work? We will make it to work without avoiding an accident? If we make it to work safely, will our job still be there? But even in this time of ...
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Somehow, The Muskbox Gets Worse
hirejimessian.com - 13 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
Just when I thought the St. Louis Cardinals
couldn’t stick anything else in their asses, they surprised
me by bringing back amnesiac Mark McGwire as Albert Pujols’ “vitamins” supplier the Cardinals’ hitting coach. It would by hypocritical of me to say too much ...
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He’s Baaaaaaaacne!
hirejimessian.com - 15 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
Ooo! A late-night Friday Night Fukudome! Why? Because
we’re discussing the issues of hitting coaches who just
so happened to be around when their pupils turned into roided-up freaks. CONTROVERSIAL! Put the kids to bed, then come back and satisfy your bloodlust as our two competitors fight ...
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Friday Night Fukudome: Jaramillo vs. Pentland
hirejimessian.com - 16 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
It’s looking pretty inevitable that the Yankees are
going to be the American League representative in this
year’s World Series. That means it would be a Phillies-Yankees matchup. Could it be any more boring than that? We just saw Philly win the World Series, and I’m sick of ...
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Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “World Series That ...
hirejimessian.com - 17 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
Yesterday, FORMER GENERAL MANAGER OF THE NEW YORK
METS Steve Phillips was suspended for a week (HT:
Ethan) from the Brett Favre fellatatorium ESPN because he went hogging with a bat - shit - criminally - insane cave troll. In Steve’s defense, he’s always had a thing for people ...
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Former GM of Mets Could Be Former Employee of ESPN
hirejimessian.com - 18 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
What’s all that buzz around Wrigley Field today?
Why, that is the crowd of people gathering in
anticipation of the announcement that the Cubs have hired Rudy Jaramillo to be their new scapegoat hitting coach. Rudy had been the hitting coach for the Texas Rangers since the time before ...
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Hendry Gives Jaramillo Contract, Full No-Trade Clause
hirejimessian.com - 20 days ago
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When there’s no Cubs baseball about which I
can obsess, my mind tends to wander. The other
day, I got to wondering what the hell managers actually say when they go out to argue a call. How can an umpire and a manager carry on a conversation that lasts more than thirty seconds? It ...
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I Am In Disagreeance
hirejimessian.com - 22 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
The ALCS begins tonight with your host, Greg
Marmalard Joe Buck. As you know, Chip Caray is
doing the play-by-play for the NLCS. No question, Buck is clearly the better technical play-by-play guy. How does he hold the advantage? Oh, by waiting until the play actually happens before he calls it. ...
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Friday Night Fukudome: Buck vs. Caray
hirejimessian.com - 23 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
In the 90’s, many of you probably spent
hours staring at a white Bronco leading the lowest-speed
chase in California history. In the 00’s, the captivating chase was even slower. You probably spent some time yesterday watching an empty helium balloon floating through the Colorado ...
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Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Help! I’m ...
hirejimessian.com - 24 days ago
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In this week’s Muskbox , we learn that
Cubs fans still don’t understand how trades work, someone
actually likes Aaron Heilman, and there is a person outside the Harry Potter universe named “Mordy.” Is there a possibility Ryne Sandberg could be the Cubs’ ...
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The Muskbox Gets Its Own Mascot
hirejimessian.com - 25 days ago
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When the Cubs signed Jim Edmonds early in
the 2008 season, what was your first reaction? Irrational
hatred? Yeah, me too . Until he had a terrific 2008 season with the Cubs, I hated Jim Edmonds with every fiber of my being. As it turns out, my hatred was well-founded. Prior to his arrival in ...
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The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #52: “I Refuse to Wear ...
hirejimessian.com - 27 days ago
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hirejimessian.com —
At the Mathematical Elimination Party this Saturday, one
of my friends told me she was rooting for
the Cardinals to win the World Series. “Why the hell would you do that?” I asked. “Because you have to root for the NL Central when your team gets eliminated,” she ...
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The Muskbox Plays GM
