ASTROS NOTES: Updates on Matsui, Loretta

Links (14)

Off-Field Fleeces: Matsui Joining Pie with “Unique” Injury
Published 3/11/2008 by Mr. Fleece at MLB Fleece Factor
...  with an injury of the unique, and painful variety. According to the Houston Chronicle, Matusi will miss roughly 4-5 days. He apparently has an “anal fissure”, or a tear of the anal skin. Between Matsui’s “anal fissure” and Pie’s “testicle torsion”, I sit here and report these stories in pain. Best wishes to you, too, Kaz. ...

Matsui Out With Private Injury
Published 3/11/2008 by Brian at Spring Training '08
Kaz Matsui will miss four to five days with an anal fissure. Houston Chronicle

Texans fans: The Giants luv you! {hugs}
Published 3/11/2008 by bigfatdrunk at DGDB&D: a Texans blog.
... Finally, and a little off-topic, but it looks like the Stros’ Kaz Matsui has a little pain in the ass.  This is ironic, of course, because watching him play this year will cause pain to all our asses. ...

Kaz Matsui's Official Diagnosis: Anal Fissures
Published 3/11/2008 by Eamonn Brennan at FanHouse
... which, on the scale of unnecessary disclosures, ranks somewhere up there with the details of a soon-to-be-former New York governor's paid-sex preferences. The hemorrhoids were bad enough. So let's take it a step further! Today the Houston Chronicle (via ...

Kaz Matsui Of Houston, TX Wants To Know, “What Happened To Patient/Doctor Confidentiality”?
Published 3/11/2008 by GC at Can't Stop The Bleeding
From the Houston Chronicle’s Joseph Durate : Astros second baseman Kaz Matsui is expected to miss four or five days after being diagnosed with a condition known as anal fissure. Matsui, who returned to central Florida on Monday night, will go through individual workouts at the team facility but will not play until at least Friday. Doctors have prescribed a different medication to help alleviate the problem. The Star reports Armando Benitez is taking his 289 career saves and unusually squeaky voice to the ...

Your Afternoon Bathroom Injury Update [Ouch]
Published 3/11/2008 by Leitch at Deadspin
... First up, Manchester United midfielder Darren Fletcher bashed himself in the head with a bathroom door. Said the staffer, "It seems that there was something seriously wrong with the toilet door. I don't know if fittings had come loose or what - but when Darren went to open the door, it came away and clobbered him. It was a nasty wound but it could have been worse." But Kaz Matsui has him beat; he's gonna miss 4-5 days because of anal fissures. Yikes, bonzai. Darren Fletcher Gets Attacked By A Bathroom Door [FanIQ] ...

Spring Injuries: Beckett Out, Rangers’ Rotation
Published 3/12/2008 by Cory Humes at Comments on: Fantasy
... Speaking of baseball players and health problems related to their backsides (a sentence we don’t have the pleasure of writing very often here at Seamless): ...

Kaz Matsui Will See Felix Pie’s Testicular Surgery, and Raise Him a Nasty Case of Anal Fissures
Published 3/12/2008 by TheBigLead at The Big Lead
... . If you’re wondering how the mainstream media covered this, here’s all the Houston Chronicle had: “Astros second baseman Kaz Matsui is expected to miss four or five days after being diagnosed with a condition known as anal fissure. Matsui, who returned to central Florida on Monday night, will go through individual workouts at the team facility but will not play until at least Friday. Doctors have prescribed a different medication to help alleviate the problem.” ...

Let me talk to you about anal fissures
Published 3/12/2008 by TheNaturalMevs at Diamond Hoggers
... Recently Kaz Matsui of the Houston Astros found himself disabled with a very personal injury. ...

Kaz Matsui’s Latest Injury A Real Pain In The A**
Published 3/12/2008 by jason at SPORTSbyBROOKS
The latest injury to befall Kaz Matsui is a real pain in the butt - literally . ( Kaz readies himself for a check-up ) The HOUSTON CHRONICLE reports that the Astros’ 2nd baseman will be out four to five days after being diagnosed with an “anal fissure”. Wait, a what ? Well, according to ...

What in the name of Anal Fissure is going on out there!?!?
Published 3/13/2008 by BabyJ at The FynalCut
... Then, just one day later, we get news from down South (sorry, had to) that Astros’ second baseman Kaz Matsui will miss some time due to an injury that, literally, sounds painful. Anal fissure. Just say it out loud to yourself, “Anal. Fissure.” Eeesh. (Hope nobody just heard you say that) ...

Published 3/15/2008 by chris at A Large Regular
Kaz's Anal Fissure Bad news for Astros fans: Astros second baseman Kaz Matsui is expected to miss four or five days after being diagnosed with a condition known as anal fissure.An anal fissure is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. Not even Jay S. you prick! (Sorry I take that back - Jay S. deserves eternal anal fissures.) I must admit that as soon as I hear the words "anal fissure" - I thought of this.

Off-Field Fleeces: Matsui Joining Pie with “Unique” Injury
Published 3/15/2008 by Mr. Fleece at MLB Fleece Factor
...  with an injury of the unique, and painful variety. According to the Houston Chronicle, Matusi will miss roughly 4-5 days. He apparently has an “anal fissure”, or a tear of the anal skin. Between Matsui’s “anal fissure” and Pie’s “testicle torsion”, I sit here and report these stories in pain. Best wishes to you, too, Kaz. ...

Please Pass the Spear
Published 5/28/2008 by The OCC (noreply@blogger.com) at The Off-Color Commentator
... Why is this funny? Because butt injuries are funny. It's why we laughed earlier this year when we learned that Kaz Matsui had an anal fissure. It is also why we google image'd "anal fissure," and then promptly vomited. ...