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MICHAEL PHELPS IS POPULAR, OR NOT
With Leather —
... pretty public about dating this guy, she was included in a story that tried to list all the celebrities wanting to date Phelps. And because bloggers are retards who run with every non-story that has a famous name, Beard had to deny the allegations: "Eww, that's nasty... I have never, ever hooked up with Michael Phelps." Well la dee dah, your naked higness. Not all of us can snag a guy with such super-cool tattoos. Also see: Deadspin, Sports By Brooks
T-Time: Phelps Wins At Everything
FirstCuts —
... shirts?? That wants Phelps' baby? A little confusing, but still funny.
My guess is that his little swimmers probably wouldn't be content conquering one egg, but would hunt around for more just to keep winning. You go in expecting one baby, maybe two, and suddenly you have a small army of Phelpsian octuplets brewing in your uterus, competing in medley relays for nine months. Not pleasant in the short term, but probably a gold mine when they're old enough.
(H/T to Deadspin, who had much better jokes. The shirt is sold out, but The Hotness Factory has ...
