Kaz Matsui's Official Diagnosis: Anal Fissures

• ummfada

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  IGNORANCE IS BLISS

  Posted 3/12/2008 [reply] [flag]

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Problems with the Naughty Bits
Published 3/11/2008 by StatsGuru at Baseball Musings
... of the Cubs, It hasn't been a good week for parts where the sun don't shine : The other day, Lackey covered Kaz Matsui's "ongoing problem with hemorrhoids," which, on the scale of unnecessary disclosures, ranks somewhere up there with the details of a soon-to-be-former New York governor's paid-sex preferences. The hemorrhoids were bad enough. So let's take it a step further! Today the Houston Chronicle (via BBTF) informs that Matsui is expected to miss four or five days with a condition known as "anal fissure." Having ocassionally suffered from hemorrhoids, I feel Kaz's ...

I hope it's not from Crohn's disease... that would be embarassing
Published 3/11/2008 by Grimey at LOL Jocks
... This is a retread of an old picture of Kaz Matsui (he's with the Astros now), but if someone told me that I had anal fissures, this would probably be the exact expression on my face. ...

Top Ten Tuesdays: I Fell Down the Stairs I Swear
Published 3/12/2008 by Yankees Chick at Yankees Chick
... There's a dirty joke in there somewhere. 5) Jordan Tata's self-induced broken finger. He must be a Kevin Brown fan. 4) Josh Beckett's strained back. Any chink in that rotation armor is good for the Yanks. 3) Brad Lidge's knee issue. BAD way to start off with your new team. 2) Felix Pie's twisted testicle. The worst part is going to be the shit he'll get from his teammates. And bloggers. And fans. And family. And doctors. 1) Kaz Matsui's anal fissures. That's all I have to say about that. *I suppose "top" ...

KAZ MATSUI: OUT WITH AN "ASS"
Published 3/12/2008 by ERNEST RILES at SPORTS UNFILTERED
... injury, by landing on the DL with what is being described as "anal fissures".  Or in layman's terms, "a torn anus".  I'll leave it up to you perverts folks to speculate about what might cause tearing in the anus. I'm guessing it doesn't fall under the "occupational hazard" blanket. ...

Lasorda Back With Dodgers; Still Fat [Lil' Baseball Closer]
Published 3/12/2008 by Rick at Deadspin
... • Kaz Matsui Has Anal Fissures. Sorry, but I didn't know how to say it, so I just said it. As mentioned yesterday, from the Houston Chronicle: "Astros second baseman Kaz Matsui is expected to miss four or five days after being diagnosed with a condition known as anal fissure." And, AOL Fanhouse has done further research: "An anal fissure is an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin. Various causes of this fissure include: Straining to defecate, especially if the stool is hard and dry; severe and chronic constipation; severe and chronic diarrhea; Crohn's disease ...

Published 3/14/2008 by Aaron at AaronGleeman.com
... loves to attach "type" and "level" to nearly every word that he says, spends half of each broadcast circling people in the crowd with his telestrator, and botches every other opposing player's name, Bert Blyleven was merely a Hall of Fame-caliber pitcher who had equally outstanding fashion sense: It won't stop me from having to mute the FSN broadcasts all season, but that's a great photo. Kaz Matsui of the Astros is sidelined by an injury that not even Jim Souhan would dare question. ...

Ask me things
Published 3/14/2008 by Rickhouse at Tremendous Upside Potential
... be around later today with another post, but I just wanted to point out that the epic White Sox podcast I've built up for two months is tentatively scheduled to take place on Tuesday. As such, you can submit questions via email that Olsen and I will attempt to answer. If you have a serious question, click the feedback button in the top right hand corner for the email address. If want to ask a non-serious question- such as Which is worse, Felix Pie's twisted testicle or Kaz Matsui's anal fissures?- feel free to add them in the comment section below. ...

Rockets vs. Lakers - a new kind of double/double!
Published 3/16/2008 by grungedave at The Dream Shake - a Houston Rockets blog
... On the flip side... Rafer's career day effort was sorely needed. Tracy McGrady had a rough and I mean really rough day. Maybe not as rough as Kaz Matsui's backside... but rough nonetheless. 4-16? In a huge matchup against Kobe? 0-4 from the three-point line? ...

Top 10 Roughest Mets Enemies' Off-Seasons
Published 3/21/2008 by Itsmetsforme at It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations
... 9. Kaz Matsui has anal fissures, perhaps linked to his ongoing well-publicized battle against hemorrhoids or some other lifestyle choice. Kaz, what can I say, Americans make eating big American stakes look easy. Also, fire your agent, man. Now including Kaz Mat on this list is a bit cruel, since we always genuinely loved him here. But let's face it, he robbed the Mets blind, nearly destroyed Jose Reyes, and sucked the big one on the field. ...

Thanks for sharing
Published 5/28/2008 by noreply@blogger.com (Jason) at It is about the money, stupid
... said Tuesday. "He's been playing with hemorrhoids that probably need to be lanced. He probably shouldn't have been out there (third base on Monday)." Leyland said the hemorrhoids have been bothering Guillen for about four or five days, but they have gotten worse in the last few days. "He could hardly walk (Monday night)," Leyland said.Oh, my eyes. Why such details?!? Isn't that against HIPAA rules or something? Somewhere, Kaz Matsui knows the pain that Guillen must be feeling. ...

Chase Utley leads the NL in All-Star voting
Published 5/29/2008 by meech.one at The Fightins
... The first National League All-Star voting numbers have been released and the greatest second baseman in all the land, Chase Utley, is unsurprisingly demolishing the competition. With 537,788 votes (and that’s not even including the 1 vote I made at The Bank last night), Chase leads the anally fissured-journeyman Kaz Matsui by 350,000+ votes. The only National Leaguer remotely close to him is Chipper Jones with 420,664, and everybody knows he’ll just miss the trip due to injury anyways. ...

Chris Snyder Of Diamondbacks Goes On DL For Fractured Testicle. Is That Even Possible?
Published 7/2/2008 at FanIQ Blog
... In addition to that, Kaz Matsui came down with a case of anal fissures, which is every bit as bad as it sounds. ...