Upsets, sweeps, and broken National Championship dreams plague fans in many of the largest media markets this groggy Monday morning.  Chicago saw her Cubs blown away by the Diamondbacks, but this was tempered by the fact the Bears were able to squeeze out a victory at Lambeau Field.  Chicago’s blues are amplified by the fact that nearly 300 runners in the Chicago Marathon had to be hospitalized, and one person died on the course.  That’s not a good sign.  New York witnessed the futility that is the Jets vs. Giants in a battle for “who is the lesser horrible team laying claim to the Meadowlands.”  The Yankees did manage to keep hope alive in Game 3 of the ALDS, but can true pinstripe fans really feel confident knowing that Mr. Sabathia lurks around the corner?  The worst sports weekend for a city trumps Chicago and New York easily.  Sports fans turn your collective eye towards the greater Los Angeles basin and revel in the fact that the Southland got served the biggest slice of humble pie a region could swallow in one weekend. 

Perennial juggernaut USC ran into the indomitable force that is the Stanford Cardinal.  Stanford’s team, which is mostly comprised of future professors, engineers, and hybrid car drivers, sauntered into the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum and punched USC in the neck over and over again.  Heisman hopeful John David Booty played down to the image that his name conjures.  USC suffered from that rampant affliction that affects many Los Angelenos…vanity.  While USC was busy making sure they looked good, the E = MC2 crew with a shrubbery for a mascot focused on beating the crap out of Ms. America.  Congratulations Stanford, just wait for Cal to demolish you.  And, USC, Michigan thanks you for taking a little of the heat off of that Appalachian State loss. 

While USC was being trounced by the tree worshippers, UCLA tried to steal USC’s paltry thunder by losing to the Golden Domers on a day when Nortre Dame’s quarterback threw for 82 yards.  The gutless little Bruins refused to defend the Rose Bowl against her crusading attackers and Notre Dame got their first victory and a morale boost.  Southern Californians are used to UCLA tanking it, so losing on the same day as USC doesn’t double the sting, but it doesn’t help by any means. Fast forward to Sunday afternoon when the USC hangover is starting to wear off and fans shift their attention to the Angels.  First of all, for real Los Angelenos, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the Botox Nation of Orange County are hardly Los Angeles’ team, but desperate times call for desperate allegiances.  The Angels, who saw fit not to compete for home field advantage at the end of the season, got exactly what they asked for when the Red Sox came to town with brooms in hand.  The Angels put up a good fight in the pre-game warmup, but once the first pitch was thrown, the game was over.   

The region goes 0-3 and now Southern California has nowhere to focus its attention.  It’s back to following the trials and tribulations of Britney Spears.  Will Lindsay Lohan return to form after rehab?  Who’ll win American Idol?  Are Brad and Angelina adopting another third world baby?  What will the Lakers drama be?  Southern California…good luck returning from this earth-shaking weekend…at least you still have the Sparks.

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