NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell's league is a zero tolerance league. One wrong step and a player will find himself suspended. It sucks for the player, the team, and the fans but this really sucks for fantasy football. It's hard enough trying to create a master cheat sheet, now you have to factor in the Goodell Factor.

Sure that running back looks like a steal, but who's he hanging with, where are they going, and will there be drugs, guns, or dogs involved? You have to consider these scenarios in a Goodell run league. So how do you draft your team? Very carefully. Here are your quarterback rankings under Roger's regime.

1. Peyton Manning (Ind): The best value on the board. It doesn't matter who the commish is, Peyton's gonna put up numbers. Manning getting arrested would be like Michigan losing to Appal... He's not getting arrested.

2.  Marc Bulger (StL): It's not the greatest show on turf, but Bruce, Holt, and Jackson will have Bulger near the top in fantasy stats. All Marc has to do is steer clear of East St. Louis.

3. David Garrard (Jax):  No, he's not the corner piece of a high scoring offense but he's a low profile dude that stays on the high side of the Goodell line. He's so low profile, that if he did get arrested or into some sort of trouble, nobody would notice.

5. Alex Smith (San F):  I know what you're thinking. Frank Gore is gonna carry the offense. And you're right. But you have to think, do you want a qb that might be sitting at home for weeks 6-14, or one with hands too small to cause any problems?

6. Vince Young (Ten): Luckily for Vince, Pacman has taken all of the heat for the Titans. I'm looking for Vince to take two steps ahead this season, building on what he did last year. Sure Vince had the sleeping at home incident but the Titans are not the Bengals, the virus will not spread.

7. Drew Brees (New O): The Saints have an explosive offense due to talented players and a great offensive mind in Sean Payton. All of the makings are there for Brees to have an incredible year. I would have him higher but since the Saints knocked the Eagles out of the playoffs last year, I'm kinda hoping he goes to jail.

8. Matt Hasselbeck (Sea): Matt doesn't put up top tier numbers but that doesn't matter. He will not run afoul of the law.. That's all you need to worry about in this day and age. If you don't mind being frustrated by the wide receiver drops and Shaun Alexander scoring all of the touchdowns, draft Matt.

9. Jay Cutler (Den): I like Cutler and I'm expecting him to play great this season. If he does experience some success, he better not go out and get Griese. 

10. J.P. Losman (Buf): The Losman to Evans connection will be good for 8-10 tds this year. J.P. seems low key so I don't see any suspensions coming his way. All work and no winning could have Losman stir crazy come late December.

11. Jeff Garcia (T Bay): New year, new team, same old west coast offense. While Jeff got too much credit for Philly's success last year, Garcia and the offensive line will deserve props if they win 8 games. Jeff got a dui when he played in San Francisco but his partying days are over now... Wait.. Now.

12. Tarvaris Jackson (Min): Things have quieted down in Minnesota since Brad Childress has been in charge. I don't know a lot about T.J. but that's a good thing. He was a second round pick so the Vikings think highly of him. Tarvaris needs to take care of the ball and let the defense win the game.. And stay off of boats.

13. Charlie Frye (Cle): Being suspended isn't gonna be Charlie's problem. It's just a matter of time before they hand the keys over to Quinn. 4 of the Browns first 5 games are tough on paper, so Frye will take the early season lumps. 

14. Damon Huard (K.C.): Huard will be the one guy that gets suspended by the team instead of the league. The Chiefs tried to force the starting job onto Brodie Croyle but he wouldn't take it. Sidelining Damon is the only way to get Croyle ready.

15. Ben Roethlisberger (Pit): Ben's lucky he had the motorcycle accident before Goodell became the commissioner. Roger would have wanted to have a sit down with Big Ben in ambulance. While I'm looking for Ben to have a better season, Willie Parker's gonna be the star on offense. Roethlisberger could find himself in a world of trouble if the impersonator gets loose again.

16. Chad Pennington (NY a): Chad is ranked in the same area whether you consider suspensions or not. He's pretty much middle of the pack. Stats wise, he's not gonna blow you away, and if he has a run in with the cops it'll probably be for a bad fishing license.

17. Brett Favre (G Bay): The trigger finger's not as quick for the old gunslinger, and he barely wanted to come back and play. If the Packers get off to a slow start, I'm looking for Favre to go "Frank the Tank" wearing nothing but a cheesehead.

18. Tony Romo (Dal): The Boys have a nice collection of weapons on offense, and the defense is loaded. Only one thing can stop them... T.O. If Romo has any skeletons in his closet, Me O will let them out the first time the Anointed One doesn't throw to a double covered Owens.

19. Matt Schaub (Hou): Why the hell is Schaub getting so much love? He hasn't done anything yet. AJ Feeley or Scott Mitchell anyone? I doubt that Garcia and Schaub will both have good seasons.

20. Tom Brady (New E): Moss can't get on the field, Maroney's carrying the load for the first time, and Brady will still go out and have a good year on the field. Playing the field is what's gonna cost Brady. Tom might be trying to break up Giselle and Bridget's fight and end up with a domestic case.

21. Jason Campbell (Was): Washington's passing game is Chris Cooley or bust so that's not a good sign... I'm not saying he'll be out trolling for hoes, or letting off shots by the White House, but D.C.'s a rough town and a fella could find himself in a hotel room with Marion Barry.

22. Donovan McNabb (Phi): If D-Mac stays healthy, he's a top 5 qb. That's a big if lately. The bigger problem is how McNabb attracts controversy. His name always pops up in the middle of something, mostly not of his doing. There's a legitimate chance that McNabb's name will get dropped in a police report.

23. Matt Leinart (Arz): The Cardinals have a lot of targets for Matt to throw to, but will he be around? He's been caught on tape speeding, he was hanging out with Britney or Paris or both, and he's got baby mama drama. That BMD can drive a man to drink, which will lead to at least a urinating in public, which will lead to a 7 game suspension.

24. Jake Delhomme (Car): He has Steve Smith to throw to and the Foster/Williams tandem should be able to keep some pressure off Jake. But since he hasn't done jack since the Superbowl loss, and David Carr's breathing down his neck, Delhomme's a little tense. Things could get ugly if he bumps into her.

25. Eli Manning (NY n): Eli will put up decent numbers one game, and then be plastered all over ESPN for a bonehead mistake the next. I'll bet money that Eli is gonna jump Tiki to get some street cred and a little locker room respect.

26. Steve McNair (Bal): The Ravens passing attack is a shady investment. Steve already had that bogus dui arrest, and they film The Wire in Baltimore. Draft him at your own risk.

27. Rex Grossman (Chi):  If somebody could figure out a way to predict Rex's good games and bad games, they'll make a ton of money. The Cannon is already a middle of the pack fantasy quarterback, and he's one more botched snap away from a teammate or coach framing him for murder.

28. Daunte Culpepper (Oak): Nobody else finds it scary that the captain of the Sex Boat is in Oakland.. playing for a team that has a pirate for a mascot?.. Nothing good can come of that. Jeff Garcia has a pirate for a mascot too. Go figure.

29. Joey Harrington (Atl): I have no idea how Harrington will do in coach Petrino's offense.. I don't even care. I'm more amazed that Joey Harrington is starting for his 3rd team in 3 seasons.  Odds of Joey Harrington getting suspended: 50/1. Odds of a rabid Michael Vick fan putting Harrington in the trunk: 9/2.

30. Philip Rivers (San D): Some people call San Diego the most beautiful city in the country, I call it Tijuana North. The Bolts offense is unstoppable in the regular season, so Phil's stats aren't the issue...  I'm an N.C. State fan so I hate thinking about this, but I can see Rivers turn as the Charger steroid mule turning into Midnight Express: Mexico.

31. Carson Palmer (Cin): Carson's gonna fill the stat sheet, but "birds of a feather". Even if you're not buying that, it's completely possible that Palmer will pick up a teammates gym bag after a game or practice.. And of course Carson will get pulled over and be arrested for having 3 kilos of dope and 25 guns.

32. Michael Vick (Susp): Don't be dumb.